Toxic Positivity & Optimism: How to Have a Positive Mindset Without Being Toxic

Nov 14, 2024

4 min read

What’s the Difference Between Optimism and Toxic Positivity?

If you have heard the increasingly popular term “toxic positivity,” but not quite sure what it refers to, then you’re in the right place. What really is toxic positivity? How does it differ from optimism?

To start, toxic positivity refers to an overly positive mindset that causes people to suppress and dismiss negative emotions regardless of the situation. It is positivity to a fault. By ignoring the reality of a situation, toxic positivity becomes false and harmful. As a result of a toxically positive mindset or environment, people tend to feel as though they are failing or wrong when they react to negative information in a normal way – allowing themselves time to feel the hard emotions that are the reality of many life experiences.

Optimism is what toxic positivity is trying, incorrectly, to achieve. Optimism is a mindset that works to focus on potential future opportunities as a way to get through a situation rather than dwelling in the negative experience itself. It is typically a solution-focused mindset. Negative emotions, such as frustration or sadness, are acknowledged and accepted rather than discredited. The active decision to understand what is happening and choose to keep moving forward allows an individual to reframe their thought process towards positivity in a healthy way.

The difference between the two mindsets is nuanced, since toxic positivity is oftentimes disguised as optimism. Both mindsets involve moving on from a negative emotion or experience, which means that they are not completely opposite reactions. This nuance is part of what makes toxic positivity a problem: sometimes it is difficult to determine when we are engaging in it. So, understanding their differences is important in order to work towards a healthy positive mindset.

In order differentiate between toxic positivity and healthy optimism, focus on this key determining factor: are negative emotions being ignored and suppressed (toxic positivity), or are they being acknowledged and managed (healthy optimism)?

For example, have you ever felt stressed for a deadline at work or frustrated with a coworker, but still overall grateful for your employment? An optimist focuses on the positive aspect of this situation and works towards a solution, while toxic positivity means ignoring the issue entirely and suppressing the frustrations. As a result, someone engaging in toxic positivity misses the positive angle of the experience that the optimist has decided to focus on as motivation for problem solving.

As another example, let's consider John, who is in between jobs and short on money. His friends want to have dinner at an expensive restaurant tonight. Toxic positivity John would go to the fancy dinner and put it on his credit card, ignoring the fact that he can't currently afford such luxuries. John the healthy optimist would find another solution, such as suggesting a cheaper restaurant, or saying that he can't make the dinner but inviting his friends to come over afterwards.

How can I encourage optimism in my life?

First, it's important to recognize that positivity and negativity are not completely independent. It is possible (and very common) to feel both positive and negative emotions at the same time. A study conducted by the National Institute of Health compared positive emotions with negative emotions, and concluded that “positive affect (mood) is not simply the opposite of negative affect, but rather an independent construct not always inversely correlated with negative affect.” In other words, whether you can be in a positive mood while still having negative thoughts and emotions. Our mindset and our emotions can refer to different, yet interconnected, things: a positive mindset can boost overall mood and help with how we react to situational negative emotions as a result.

So, how do we make sure that our positivity practices promote optimism instead of toxic positivity? While it is important to understand the problems that arise from the extremeness of toxic positivity, that awareness should not then discredit all positivity-based practices. It is possible to improve our general mindset, while also creating room to experience all emotions in a healthy way.

Examples of tools to support a positive mindset are self care habits, positivity-based resources, and professional psychological treatment. First, self care habits can include journaling, creative outlets, and making an effort to surround yourself with positive people. Create sources of support and gratitude in areas of your life that can help you when hardships arise.

Second, resources that are specifically focused on encouraging a healthy mindset include positive affirmations, meditation, and positive media content. Practices like positive affirmations and meditations help us zoom out to consider themes such as gratitude, abundance, and confidence even when day to day stressors are present. Examples of some productive media content to gain new skills for positive mindset and thinking are Allison Ledgerwood’s Ted Talk and The Mindset Mentor Podcast.

Reconsidering the media that we consume is something that goes hand in hand with seeking positivity based resources. Sometimes filtering out what we see and interact with is a healthy decision. A few ideas to improve media intake are to set a designated amount of time to check the news, mute pages that lead to negative thoughts or reactions, and actively prioritize positive content. Some creators that we like for this type of content are @wetheurban, @simonsinek, @womensmediationnetwork, @goodnews_movement, and @thrive.

Lastly, a proven and useful professional psychological treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The NIH discussed that CBT “might be well-suited for enhancing positive affect, as specifically changing thought patterns and/or behavioral responses may lead to more positive interpretations and a willingness to approach, or even savor experiences previously considered negative.” CBT is an example of how there are ways to reframe thought processes without being as extreme as toxic positivity.

Try to think of your mindset as something you can support and strengthen through a combination of tools. You can't expect to speed through every life event with a completely positive response. So, don't set unrealistic standards while working to create a more positive mindset. Put the tools and practices in place to foster a positive mindset every day, so that when bad things do inevitably happen, you have a system in place that will help you deal with it. With this awareness, you can achieve optimism without falling into the trap of toxic positivity.